Dear friends, You know how missionaries give refrigerator magnets to their supporters so they can remember to pray for them? I haven't done that, but i have a prayer that i'd like you to put on your proverbial refrigerator for me. The one thing i want you to pray for me this next year. That God would change my basic motivations from "I should" to "I want to" by a revelation of His love for me. In many ways, my heart has been torn apart this summer. My girlfriend and i broke up in late June, and the journey I've been on as i've walked through this has felt dangerous, painful, and some days hardly worth it. I've felt loss, anger, shame, and hurt. It hasn't felt good at all. Nevertheless, last night at the first evening of our long-term workers retreat, i was asked to rate my summer from 1-10. Somehow my heart responded, "7." Surprised me too! It's not that it's felt good at all, because it hasn't. It's that as I've walked this road I've learned that the thing i need is not an answer to the the problems I've faced in relationships, it's
an overhaul at the level of my basic motivations. So much of what i do and how i serve God is grounded in a sense that i should do it. And God wants to set me free. And i know it. "Should" has attached to it negative consequences if i fail to meet a standard. Desire to serve God with all my heart comes with the knowledge that i am loved. Just as i am. Completely divorced from what i do. Last evening marked the end of my summer and the beginning of another term in China. Stand with me. Remember my refrigerator prayer. Change me, Lord, set me free to love You. Grace to you. God is near! His joy is our strength.
Eldon
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